Words are the cheapest form of affection. For most of us, they cost nothing; action is the key that shows love in a practical way. "Greater love hath no man than he lay down his life for another" This doesn't say, lay down your words of consideration, your affirmation, your congratulations, and so on. What have you done for me lately is a familiar line in a song… but really, what is your love doing? In the New Testament, James says that without action our religion ids dead. (Paraphrase mine). As Christ resurrected from the dead, shouldn't we have a resurrected love? Shouldn't that love be alive and shown in ways that are meaningful to God first (of course) but then your spouse? How can one go and evangelize the work place, the city, the state, the world and not love, respect, and honor his/her spouse… If that is you, then I would say according to what I read in the Bible, your love is dead. We must first evangelize and if I may loosely use this term, baptize our homes and our family IN LOVE and I mean the Love is a verb kind of love found in 1 Corinthians 13: Love is patient, love is kind, It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, It is not rude, It is not self-seeking, It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves…." We could sit right here for the next 1000 years and never have to have another sermon, if we all lived and acted and walked in this kind of LOVE!
Emotions are not a reliable source for truth (The world says: if it feels right, it must be right?). Emotions, for men and women, ebb and flow like the tide of the ocean. Many things affect our emotions daily, sometimes hourly; we cannot depend on them to make quality decisions for our life and our family. Purpose to ride the tide until the emotional heat has settled to a very low simmer and then, by balancing out your emotions with truth as revealed in God's word; speak that loving correction, encouragement, ask for the raise, write that email that will confront in love and bring healing, ask for forgiveness out of a desire to heal the breach, not from some kind of unhealthy co-dependence or imbalanced desire for a pseudo peace.
If a person is teachable, they will humbly listen to God and their spouse when making decisions. God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Enough said? Don't think to highly of yourself and your own opinion(s) that you do not need instruction from God's word and other godly people that you are accountable to, i.e. namely your spouse, and then a few others. What, you don't have an accountability partner or two? Run don't walk, pray and ask God to help you forge strong godly relationships so you will not be traveling this road alone, then by all means seek their counsel.
Maintain your love affair with your spouse, sure it's work, but if you don't someone else will. Don't forget that your spouse fell in love with you and you were his girlfriend FIRST. Women, Men!!! ALERT, ALERT, ALERT, if you haven't figured this one out, let me shout it loudly to you; your marriage is the most important relationship you have on this earth, second only to that of a personal relationship with GOD himself (through his son, Jesus). What does God expect of you in marriage? Have you read Song of Solomon? Have you entertained that you will always and firstly be his girlfriend, her boyfriend? Then, as I said in my first statement, let your actions show it. Never forget to treat your spouse like you are still dating.
What is in your suitcase of past hurts, fears, frustrations? Let God mend and straighten out your heart and mind. It is not your spouse's position, or responsibility to fix you, to mend you or to fill in your gaps. Is there is a God sized hole in you somewhere? Past hurts recent hurts? Abandonment, physical or emotional? Unfaithfulness? Addictions? My dear friend, you can't come to me with anything that Christ is not the full and complete answer for. Sometimes he chooses to take his time and other times, he heals quickly if not immediately. Go to him and lay your pain at the foot of the cross, let Jesus love you from the inside out and as you receive HIS love, healing envelope you like a warm liquid. Then be patient with your journey, you are more fragile than you think.
Take 100% responsibility for what you are thinking, saying and what you are doing. No one can "make" you do something & it is no one else's fault for what you are thinking, saying or doing, period. Accept full responsibility for your adult actions, God put in your heart "eternity" and there is a full record of what He says is right and wrong, just in case you think you don't know. Go to God's word if you need clarification of a motive, a harsh word, a callous statement, a cold shoulder, a judgmental thought, an unbalanced measure. Even the tone of what you are saying can cut like a knife. Don't use the worlds standards, put your life up to the mirror of God's word and cry out for mercy, when you see yourself as you are, get ready to accept Gods love and acceptance. He already paid the full payment for your sin so that you don't have to remain the same.
Back off and let God do what God does, HE and HE alone changes people from the inside out. You can't fix you own problems and you can't fix your spouse's problems. God is the master at making things broken whole again; He takes what has been smashed by the harshness of sin and the hardness of life and makes a beautiful mosaic. Look into your heart and find the place that you can welcome God in to begin his work and be confident that He who began a good work in you is faithful to complete it! But perhaps more importantly, don't try to fix your spouse, men marry a wife, not a mother, and women you marry a man, not a daddy, let the Lord chasten and discipline in the way that only he can that keeps our dignity.
Lastly, make the Holy one of Israel your strong tower, the Lord your God the delight of your heart. There is no one that is perfect, every man, every woman will disappoint. Don't let sin deceive you. Don't fool yourself into believing the lie of "my wife, she is the jewel in my crown, she would not do anything to harm, I trust her, or, my child, he/she is not capable of that .. Not my child…, or I trust my husband 100%, he would never do that".
ONLY God is your "I AM"
Whenever we set our husband up as an idol of worship, God has no other choice but to show you he is far removed from that status, and likewise a wife to the eyes of her husband. Nor should we go about trying to make out that our children are unflawed because they are young and innocent in the ways of the world (we are all born with original sin, if you don't' believe me, then watch a baby throw a temper tantrum). We are all imperfect vessels and we love imperfectly, your issues are no better than the next persons issues; they just belong to you so you understand them better. As Christians we are on a journey, pressing toward perfection, but that too is only found in Christ! Look into his perfect law of liberty this day and seek HIS freedom and you will be free, you will be blessed, AND in the happiness of life's wonderful things and in the pain of circumstances you will be able to have the joy of the Lord and nothing in this world will be able to take that away from you!
Make it your BEST Day ever!
Chilon
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